idealism

I Don’t Know What I Can Save You From

Tribute to a ‘friend’... Spider
(those from the ASC should know who)

Like “Misread” also by Kings of Convenience, this song signifies my questioning of the meaning of friendship. Friends stay as ‘friends’, no matter how less frequently we hang out over years, as long as we still have each other’s interests in heart. To some extent, we always tolerate being exploited by individuals we call ‘friends’ but there is always the line crossed when the boundary of trust is finally also exploited. ‘Friends’ who understands your generosity and kindness, and make full use of it for his/her own favor. ‘Friends’ who turn your suggestions into farts… despite your earnest good intentions.

I Don’t Know What I Can Save You From by Kings of Convenience

Album Version	Remix Version

You called me after midnight,
must have been three years since we last spoke.
I slowly tried to bring back,
the image of your face from the memories so old.
I tried so hard to follow,
but didn’t catch the half of what had gone wrong,
said “I don’t know what I can save you from.”

I asked you to come over, and within half an hour,
you were at my door.
I had never really known you,
but I realized that the one you were before,
had changed into somebody for whom
I wouldn’t mind to put the kettle on.
Still I don’t know what I can save you from.  

I Always Love You… In My Way

What makes the heart recognize the uniqueness of a person? Was it memories with that person? Or was it what you predict of that person based on these memories? Conveniently both are. Our weakness of the heart that can kill us slowly inside is the one thing that we don’t realize could also be our strength to forgive and start over… if only we know when and how to stop, and look again.

“Pieces of April”, starring Katie Holmes (remember Dawson’s Creek?), is such a memory which most would have just chosen to remember the past and forget the future. A family is a blood-related tie (or sometimes if the water is thicker than blood) where individuals are bounded and bonded by their roles through each’s life-long journey. In the world today, where life is defined by the standard of living and the clustering of singular individuals each striving for their individualistic goals, the meaning of family has subtly become simply a form of support for mortality of the next generation. What you do now will be what you get. Any variance would be some generosity of the heart.

So when April spent a whole day preparing a thanksgiving meal for her suburban family, who in turn struggled through memories of her rebellious ways and fear of yet another sad memory of her, these modern family values are questioned. The efforts and the anguish April hung heavily, while running through the day panicking through neighbors for help to get a decent thanksgiving meal, showed clearly that despite her deranging personality she still has her family in heart. Some people are just not the kind to conform, and certainly not the type to allow superficiality of social amenities, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care. The conformed family values brought down by our forefathers will cast off these deviants, for the sole purpose of preventing the disturbance of the same conformity. So who is to define what deranges and disturbs the social order?

It was a good thing that while most of April’s family members backed out after being freaked by her urban neighborhood, her cancer-stricken mom, who was also the center of the family anxiety, became the first to realize that family is not defined by what memories we have of each other but what future we hold for each other. Doubts created by the past can be persisting and hard to erase, but given a little more courage we can give it a chance to create good memories. April’s mom, with her love of a mother, overcome her fear and her own despair, finally gave April a chance to make a final good memory of her as a daughter she loves.

• Sniff sniff… this movie made me teared. Makes me think of mom.**