idealism

2006 CNY Visitings

A highlight of the pics we took on the 1st day of CNY:

Here’s Cobie as the “Year-of-the-Dog” Ambassador

Land of the Growing Giants

Land of the Grown Giants

Another one from the Land of the Growing Giants

... erm… not forgetting those from the Land of the Growing Waist

Definition of Brotherhood

Cousins…

... cousins…

... and more cousin-nieces (?)

Come to cousin-aunty

Our first pioneer for the Land of the Growing Waist

... Forever young

... and forever younger

There were more visitings over the later parts of the day but not many pictures were taken. That was because we were busy mainly with FOOD FOOD and more FOOD!

(God bless my throat. I hope I don’t get sick from all the tidbits and food over flow for the past days.)

A Very RED Reunion Dinner

A Happy New Year To Everyone!!!
Here’s Wishing from Cobie as the ambassador for the Year of the Dog!

Yes, the theme for the dinner this evening is none other than RED. We got everyone to dress in their favorite red shirt, including Dad. Even Cobie got his lil RED bandana (a napkidana, actually).

THE Family (with the exception of Jerri… Too bad she can’t come back to be with us tonight)

... and our annual tradition of hot pot (we call it “steam boat” here)

Colorful ingredients

The RED chilli (BEWARE: It’s chilli-seed concentrated)

With Dad

Sister Beck

Aren’t we so RED tonight?

And not forgetting lil Annie… be always this happy, babe

Oh oh! Cobie wanna wish more… Gong Xi Gong Xi (hey, this way, silly dog!)

So that was the reunion dinner. We stayed up until midnight to give wishing to Dad and by the time we left for home we were really tired. Tomorrow will be another eventful day! Many visitings!

It Wasn’t Me

I caught an interesting comment from my foster-cousin Flo when my sisters and I had dinner at her place last Sunday. (Yep! You read that right. ‘Foster-cousin’. Our mom and her mom were foster sisters. Sortaf.) It was about her earnest impression of me as a young kid who could entertain himself by just quietly doodle his imaginations on a sketchbook and a pen. True, that was what I used to do when I was a kid. That was before I found the stronger expressions of words.

“Allen was the artistic one. He loves to doodle. He can easily help Annie with the graphics for her books.”

Nevertheless, I swallowed the compliment quietly.

It was not appropriate to define graphic arts as the sparks of my life at that moment. It was more of music and literary arts these days. The compliment just didn’t apply to me much since it has been ages since I touched the charcoal, oil pastels or my beloved SLR (all of which are collecting dust somewhere in my closet).

Maybe it just isn’t my ‘season’ for graphic arts again. Not yet anyway.

What is arts? It has many definitions, yet each is not exactly that dissimilar or diversed from the others.

n.

1. Human effort to imitate, supplement, alter, or counteract the work of nature.


2. 
   
   1. The conscious production or arrangement of sounds, colors, forms, movements, or other elements in a manner that affects the sense of beauty, specifically the production of the beautiful in a graphic or plastic medium.
   
   
   2. The study of these activities.
   
   
   3. The product of these activities; human works of beauty considered as a group.


3. High quality of conception or execution, as found in works of beauty; aesthetic value.


4. A field or category of art, such as music, ballet, or literature.


5. A nonscientific branch of learning; one of the liberal arts.


6. 
   
   1. A system of principles and methods employed in the performance of a set of activities: the art of building.
      
   2. A trade or craft that applies such a system of principles and methods: the art of the lexicographer.


7. 
   
   1. Skill that is attained by study, practice, or observation: the art of the baker; the blacksmith’s art.
      
   2. Skill arising from the exercise of intuitive faculties: “Self-criticism is an art not many are qualified to practice” (Joyce Carol Oates).


8. 
   
   1. arts Artful devices, stratagems, and tricks.
      
   2. Artful contrivance; cunning.


9. Printing. Illustrative material.

Human effort to imitate, supplement, alter, or counteract the work of nature. Wow! That is strong. But I like the implication of how dictionary authors describe arts so literally. Personally, I do not take effort in creating a piece of art. Creation of artistic expressions should be as ‘natural’ as possible hence should not be the result of ‘trying too hard’. Therefore, my pieces in the past were usually done within hours to the span of few days at most. It was only during such duration would my inspiration be fresh and genuine. All strokes and colors would be made spontaneously. Nothing planned. Nothing much drafted.

There were many unfinished works though. Many of the pieces I did not complete with satisfaction. Most of which I lost the inspiration and motivation, without which the reason behind the piece would be pointless, and each would mean no more than ‘paint-by-numbers’ works. I remember starting painting an A3 portrait of Kurt Cobain a year after his death, and finished as much as I could to the face. The painting was left as one of the unfinisheds soon enough. I just could not do the last parts around the edges. Beyond his face and the angst it represented my years of youth, Kurt Cobain was to me a symbol of norm escapism. Away from the traditions and conventions. That was why there was nothing I could add beyond his face in that piece.

The conscious production or arrangement of sounds, colors, forms, movements, or other elements in a manner that affects the sense of beauty. Hmm. That pretty much summizes my entire meaning of conscious living. It seems that in every aspects of my daily routines, work and communication, even my speech and body language, comes with a certain degree of such conscious production expressions. Like moving from one space to another, we do them with a conscious intent yet with an unconscious knowledge of placing one foot in front of the other to move forward.

On the contrary, most of my ‘artistic’ expressions are conscious productions/arrangements out of unconscious intents. I know I would purposely add an additional stroke of charcoal on the paper, but I just do not know why. I just did it as if it was meant to be. Without which, it would seem wrong or out of balance.

That is what arts is to me.

Lunch… or No Lunch

“I don’t have lunch.”

And I usually get that “Huh?” puzzled expression staring back at me.

“How can you take it? How can you not have lunch? How how how???”

This lunch question has been asked by various people and usually the same reaction came when they learn how I prefer not to have lunch. Initially, colleagues at work would think I am being anti-social and avoid having lunch with them. Not true. I just choose not to have lunch so I don’t feel sleepy after food. That’s precisely it! I just don’t have lunch because I can’t work after a full meal. I will be sleepy and unable to maintain my focus.

“You’re on diet issit? No need lah! You so skinny liao…”

Hello?~ I am not skinny and I am definitely not dieting. These are the assumption from people who love to… assume. (Funny but this kind of reaction usually comes from people of marketing background. I wonder why…) I got so tired of denying the fact that I just go along with it. “Yah yah… I’m on diet. That’s why I don’t eat lunch but I munch on choc chunk chips.”

“But how did you actually do it? Not eating for so many hours?”

Well, I do eat. I just eat little here and there. I have breakfast, usually two slices of toasts with two pieces of ham and one egg to go with coffee. During lunch hours, I stay back in the office to either continue with work, or relax a little by blogging, just like now. During which, I will either have fruits (Sunsun usually packs for me apples, grapes or jambu ayer) or some bread.

True I will feel rather tired due to the lack of energy recharge from lunch, but it is still better than the sleepiness after a full meal. Furthermore, the nutrition from breakfast and dinner are usually more than enough for a person in a day. Most local food from hawker centers or food courts contain too much carbo anyway.

“Remember ar… Your first week with new colleagues, do not skip lunch. Get to know them a little bit more first. If not they will think you are anti-social.”

That’s true. For the sake of building connection with new colleagues (next week), I should mingle with my colleagues more, at least with my ‘buddy’. Lunch will be the only time I have during a busy day of work to converse casually with them.

Does it really seem so odd that I am not in the habit of having lunch? That lunch to me is just another reason to socialize? That lunch is not really a necessity?

Narcissism : Who Are You?

nar·cis·sism
n.

1. Excessive love or admiration of oneself.
2. A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.
3. Erotic pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one’s own body or self, especially as a fixation on or a regression to an infantile stage of development.
4. The attribute of the human psyche charactized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits.

Source: Dictionary.com

This is a new word I just learnt last night after a long conversation with a dear friend. Though this word had never existed in my dictionary, the meanings of the word have. In fact, the meanings of the word were demonstrated by a real life experience… a real specimen of exactly what the word implies… self-preoccupation.

Sad but true, I had to learn this word and to realize that it has to exist. I had to relate to it the hard way.

Never in the chapters of my mental autobiography have I thought how I could limit my source of satisfaction to just love and admire myself… excessively. Yes, I do emphasize the word ‘excessively’. Everyone do love themselves to understand how they can love someone and show that they do. However, when one does it over the normal ways, it becomes an obsessive adoration towards oneself and in turn overrides any true devotion towards others.

Let me put it this way: when we dress up/doll up to present ourselves appropriately, we become pleasantly visible to others. This is not yet sufficient to define narcissism. We still care that we are presented pleasantly to people we care and love. People around you see more of you than you see yourself most of the time. Sometimes such presentation of self can also tell others more of who you are and what kind of personality you have and if they will be comfortable being with you. Such presentation of self and body languages tell the world where you stand among the persons next to you.

However, when one overdoes this, when the reason behind the vanity turns into satisfaction out of reaction from those who perceive you, the table is turned. It is not the people around you that you care, but it’s you and only you whom you actually wishes to please.

That was just a visual example of narcissism. Just one of the many ways how one can be excessively obsessed with oneself. Other ways include simple body language, words and even thoughts towards others. Not necessarily negative opinions about others, but subconscious intention to elevate one’s own image above others by unscrupulous means. Such behaviors involve a wide range of habits such as pretence, deceit and even down right shrewd slandering. All these just to perceive oneself being better than anyone, even those they can casually call ‘friends’.

That reminds me of those evil cheer-leaders oftenly portrayed in high school themed movies, when a self-conceited prom queen spreads rumors fuelled with Oscar-award quality acting skills just to destroy the reputations of her contending potential queens. In reality, some of these acting skills can consequentially kill happiness, or even destroy lives.

Shivers

The word itself scares me. Narcissism. Sounds like Nazism. Different words, but they send the same chill down my spine.

Run (And I Dunnno Why I Should)

I can’t take it anymore. The words of this song keep ringing in my head, even during working hours.

But why? What’s the point of it? I have no idea.

I can only guess…

I’ll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You’ve been the only thing that’s right
In all I’ve done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we’ll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I’ll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we’ll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can’t raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up…

Slower slower
We don’t have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We’re bound to be afraid
Even if it’s just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Poetically, the lyrics is a complete chaos, or a symbol of chaos. Not social chaos, but emotional chaos. (Well, I’m still the sentimental/emotional aquarian for a guy my age. What to do?) When one doesn’t know what he/she wants, that’s commonly due to ‘emotional chaos’. When one can’t make up his/her mind, blame it on ‘emotional chaos’. What would one do when contemplation is faced? What can one do when decision is hard to make? What is the easiest way out of confusion?

What else? Just “Run”. That’s exactly what the title of this song is. Run.

Is running away from the problem the easiest way out? Yes it is, but it is not the best way. Easiest and fastest way to rid of the thorn in the finger but not the best way to stop the bleeding. Saying goodbye after a making a mess is not the way to make it all go away. You’d merely delay having to face it and get done with it. So what’s the ultimate thing we should fear? Avoiding of our fears and run from them. That’s what we should fear. Coz running away will only cover the path for now.

What we run from will eventually catch up with us…

But was that the point of this song? No, I think it’s more personal than that.

The message the story seems to be telling is:

I’ve fallen in love with you, when I shouldn’t.
We’ve created all these mess for ourselves, when we shouldn’t.
Now we are in deep shit and what can we do?
We can only run away… from each other… in tears.
We have to say goodbye.
We have to forget each other.
But I will remember you… always.

This message in my perspective… is totally irrelevant. I have not fallen in love with someone I shouldn’t. I have fallen in love with someone and I have married her. And we are not running away from each other. Neither are we in any shit. And lastly, we are not going to say goodbye… at least not yet, till death do us part.

So why the subconscious attachement to this song? Past memories? None applicable. Unconscious wish to get myself into such shit? Not likely. There is no reason whatsoever why I love this song. No relevance to my life. Cannot relate to anything. So why?

I still can’t figure out.

So I think I’d just leave it be. I just like it because it is poetic of a sad story. I love the tune when the words are mumbled. Nothing more.

I miss holding Sunsun’s hand. It’s just been 3 days since I held her hand. But I just do, when I was travelling to work yesterday. Why? I have no idea. Maybe I just miss her.

Soloist in Manhattan : Prologue

The following accounts were written based on memories of my solo visits to Manhattan from Boston.

The rising sun was low when it woke me, but I knew that it was already late in the morning . It was only hours since I boarded the Amtrak heading towards the Big Apple. Eryka Badu was still singing to me in the walkman as I leered out at the moving trees. Boy was it cold… the low sun and the stale smell from the old central heating within the car reminded me of the midwinter. Ah yes, it was indeed the midwinter break that gave me the opportunity to see the Big Apple… this time on my own.

I had always wanted to do a solo run through the metropolitan commonly known as “The City That Never Sleeps”. Most of my inspiration in songs and art in my younger days were from this very city. It is my Gothom and my Wonderland.

The reason why this was a ‘soloist’ trip was that most other exploration trips I had taken to Manhattan were accompanied by my fellow international students who’d rather venture around what they saw as a ‘fashion city’, heading to more commercialized venues such as 5th Avenue and SoHo. Not that I don’t appreciate the art streets of SoHo, but I just did not appreciate the focus on just shopping areas at the legendary art gallery street of New York City. The other reason for my soloist trip was my desire to digest the essence of the city as it is, rather than to hunt down specific air that suits my sense of smell or place destinated gourmet to suit my taste bud. I wanted to breathe the stench of the subway decay and walk in the cold and damp just to be part of the living city for one day.

When I arrived at Grand Central station, I expected the exit to look and feel just like how it was portrayed so many times in movies and novels. However, the welcome to the city was more realistic than glamorous. Being under renovation, we had to exit the station via the lower decks where more interstate buses were parked. Being on lower ground, there were little exposure of the sky, with an array of old buildings and constructions in progress.

Gloomy.

But that was exactly how I liked it. An old metropolis with wind chill and light rain, and the sky covered mostly by cobalt blue clouds. The sounds I heard as soon as I exited the station was exactly how I anticipated. Sirens and taxi honks. Clattering of footsteps. Standing at any one point around the station and you could almost feel the ground quaver with life.

After a short stroll, I decided that it will take years to walk every inch of the city. So I decided to head towards the next metro station for a subway train towards my destinations.

Home Alone… Again

Yes, I do believe most of you have guessed it right. Sunsun’s just flown back to Bangkok for home visit again. It’s the ‘going-back-to-a-quiet-home’ time again. It’s the ‘oh-SHIT!-I’m-going-to-be-late-for-work’ weeks to come… again (if you are noctural, you’d know what I mean).

Well, I shan’t take it in such negative manner entirely. I have more time to post a blog (just like this one). I have time to brood over having to do my own laundry… silently. Most importantly, I can now fully catch up with my beloved and slightly neglected iPod on bus rides between home and office.

Nevermind the silence anticipated at home. Sometimes quietness can be bliss, when you know you can indulge in conversing with your own mind (in other words, talking to yourself) without getting interrupted. (No, I’m not complaining about my wife being opposite of ‘quiet’. I’m just treasuring this period when I don’t get my thoughts interrupted.)

Hmm… now what was it that I wanted to say?

Ah yes! Alas, there is no need to clean the house twice a week… Once a week is enough for my own comfort… Perhaps only once before Sunsun returns

(Hmm… now what’s the point of that thought? Sunsun’s always the one doing the sweeping and mopping of the floor anyway.)

GAWD! Just see how chronical interruption to my thinking pattern has done to the way I write! Confusing myself… Scratches head

DJ Mention of the Day : Lisa Lashes

Audial Teasers : Lisa Lashes (from album “Lashed”)

Lisa Lashes The most exciting female DJ on the clubbing circuit today! She has a stunning combination of personality, good looks and cool clothing (looking yummy, doesn’t she?). She is also the first and only female to be considered among the top ten DJs in the world by DJ Magazine, ranking ninth in 2000 and continuing as the top-ranking female DJ in 2001, 2002, and 2003. Coupled with her superb technical skill on the decks Lisa is the numero uno DJ for many of today’s serious clubbers. In 2005, Lisa is ranked the top 56th DJ of the World.  Lisa plays all the top UK clubs and has a regular slot in Las Vegas. Lisa is one of the few DJ’s who regularly plays 5, 6 or even 7 nights a week! She has recently played a two week tour in South Africa; capacity crowds of 12,000 in Cape Town and 20,000 in Johannesburg. Lisa’s talents extend to production work as one of the Tidy Trax girls who’s last release reached number 7 in the Club charts. Lisa has appeared on Club@vision, MTV, Rapture TV as well as numerous radio broadcasts. Watch out for her summer appearances at Amnesia in Ibiza. Residencies at: Slinky in Bournemouth; Daisy’s at Rugby; Godskitchen at B’Ham; Hot Dog plus regular appearances at The Honey Club, Bubblelove and Peach The Lisa Lashes mixed albums, Hard House Euphoria (2002) and Extreme Euphoria Vol. 2 (2003), also achieved the status of highest selling hard house compilations in the world. The latest 2-CDs album Lashed is set at at thunder level…and ends at thunder level. It takes the concept of blistering and adds a little bedlam and mayhem just for giggles. Opted to diversify the sound a bit more and included some hard trance ditties in there for good measure. Don’t think eloquent… nor should you think creeping or ascending. Incredibly bashing bass is a much more poignant description. Let the blitzkrieg begin!

National Library

Yesterday was one of the most ordinary yet ‘extraordinarily pleasant’ Saturday.

Sunsun and me had a drive around sending Annie to her singing class, rushed back home to pick up a free sampling package, back to pick Annie up and then headed to the National Library for her to return some books.

Now this National Library was new to me. It wasn’t the same old red bricked library between National Museum and the S11 kopi thiam (one of the famous chain of open-air hawker food centers). It was now a HUGE building of glass and steel next to Bugis Square. I know this new Library had been built and in operation for a while already, but I just haven’t gotten the chance to visit the place in person… until yesterday.

That was a weird moment, when I was pointing to a picture of that red-bricked building to Annie and telling her how I used to hide in the reference books corner for hours while waiting for our late Mom to run her errands… the building that is now no more. It was also a meeting landmark during my teens… the days of The Substation where my bandmates and I used to hang out… the days when we enjoyed the glory of local rock scene.

... Now what’s our band name again? ‘Blitzkrieg’ was it?

Anyway, it just felt weird as it reminded me of how Mom used to point at pictures of Singapore streets during her younger days, of how Plaza Singapura used to look with the huge fountain pond in front. And how we always need to pop our heads when driving past the side of Istana gate to show the number of people in the car to the police officer.

It is now my turn to point out to a younger generation how different the landscape has changed from my time.

What else will change in years to come? Who will remember the landscape we used to roam on foot and public transport, before we started travelling on personal cars?