Of Coffee & Time
March 10th, 2006 -- Posted in coffee thoughts, people | 9 Comments »Woke up as usual with an unusual dread for a Friday morning.
While having coffee before dressing up for work, I thought about what I’m doing for a living and what other aspiration not fulfilled.
Here’s my list:
- Get my driving license
- Write a book
- ...
...then I got mind-blocked. I have no idea what else I want (except being a dad, in time to come). All those things which I longed for, either (1) I already got, (2) I have yet to realize that I want, and (3) I have given up wanting.
Most of the things I’ve already gotten, through monetary means or achieved from hard work, are either taken for granted for or forgotten how much I wanted them. Take being an fully independent adult, for example. When I was younger, there was always this thought that I wanted to step out into the working world so as to earn the means to get or do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to.
No money + Lots of time = Nothing to do
However, now that I’m already here, work has become a part of me that I have hardly time to think about what I wanted to get or do.
Some money + No time = Can’t do anything
So it seems that I have gotten over and forgotten how it was like to have free time with nothing to do. So what’s the point of trying so hard to fulfill the anticipation in the first place?
I was told before that I should be working hard to prepare for a kid and the future retirement. I don’t disagree, but is that all there is for life? Is my life all about providing for somebody else who will one day end up like me, providing for my grandchild?
I sipped on my coffee.
To think that I will one day be watching my decendents pondering over the same quesiton of ‘Is this all worth it?’, I can hardly feel the justice to my duties.
But they are my duties… and duties are duties aren’t they?
Who defined these duties anyway? Culturally, we are brought up to think that it is our duties to breed and provide for our offsprings, so that they will be equipped to do just the same as we do. Turning the table around, we are the ones who decide if we accept these duties. Nobody can make us assume our fates against our will.
That’s easier said than done. To
